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actors: Chelsey Cayer / release date: 2016 / Matthew Martino / Matthew Martino / Blake is captain of the football team and destined for a career in the pro leagues - that is if he passes his chemistry class. But destiny has a way of tackling the toughest of players when demons invade his college and begin to enslave the student body. A divine angel descends to give Blake an invincible suit of super football pads and send him out to battle the forces of evil. Unfortunately, the suit is missing one vital piece - the jock strap. In order to get it back, Blake must descend into the underworld and face the guardians of doom known as The Chainsaw Maidens from Hell. And he's got to do all this while studying for a chemistry quiz

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Skip to content Chainsaw Maidens from Hell is an American comedy horror feature film written and directed by Matthew Martino ( The Drachen Recruitment Experiment. Kane Hodder is an associate producer for this the SGV production which is also known as simply  Chainsaw Maidens. Main cast: Allen McRae,  Kane Hodder. Death House; Old 37; Smothered; Jason X) Tromas Lloyd Kaufman, Sarah French ( American Satan; Bite School; Insectula. Chelsey Cayer ( Crazed) Karin Webb ( Grindsploitation;  TEN) Sean M. Kennedy ( Grindsploitation 2: The Lost Reels; Blood of the Tribades; Dead Bounty) Sarah Michelle ( Parts Unknown; Crazed; Night of the Naked Dead. Plot: Blake is captain of the football team and destined for a career in the pro leagues – that is if he passes his chemistry class. But destiny has a way of tackling the toughest of players when demons invade his college and begin to enslave the student body. A divine angel descends to give Blake an invincible suit of super football pads and send him out to battle the forces of evil. Unfortunately, the suit is missing one vital piece – the jockstrap. In order to get it back, Blake must descend into the underworld and face the guardians of doom known as the Chainsaw Maidens from Hell. And hes got to do all this while studying for a chemistry quiz… Cast and characters: Blake – Allen McCrae Jane – Chelsey Cayer Doctor Trundle – Sean Kennedy The Coach – Lloyd Kaufman Destiny – Sarah French Desire – Monique Renee Wrath – Karin Webb Madness – Sarah Michelle Bael the Demon – Viral Keshwalla The Angel of Death – Kane Hodder MOVIES & MANIA provides an aggregated range of opinions and reviews from a wide variety of sources, plus our own reviews, in one handy web location. We rely solely on the very minor income generated by affiliate links and internet ads to stay online and expand. Please support us by not blocking ads on our site. Thank you. Post navigation This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settings ACCEPT.


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Chainsaw Maidens from hell's kitchen. Chainsaw maidens from hell pictures. Chainsaw maidens from hell trailer. This thread is archived New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast level 1 Jesus Also you are missing nationalsocialism photoplunder and europeannationalism level 1 I'm all against socialism but I kinda miss r/me_ira. level 2 I'm not against socialism and I miss r/me_ira level 2 I just liked it because they hate the people that nearly killed my great grandma level 1 How did you find all these? Dont think all of them are listed on this sub alone. level 1 r/PicsOfHorseDicks (among others) was banned for "proliferation of violent content. That's just confusing. level 2 >gendercreativekids. ah of course Canada level 1 Some people must really get off on controlling speech and punishing wrong think. level 2 go to 4chan no accountability attracts a cesspool though level 1 This site has a serious issue with being racist towards black people. A good percentage of these had to do with them. level 2 Implying it's a "problem.

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Chainsaw maidens from hell images. Chainsaw Maidens from hello. Chainsaw maidens from hell 2017. Chainsaw maidens from hell fire. Chainsaw maidens from hell book. Chainsaw Maidens from hell and back. Want access to these great features? Become a subscriber and access all of these great features: Simulcasts English Dubs HIDIVE Exclusives Up to 1080p Resolution Chat with Friends and So Much More. Chainsaw maidens from hell movie. Paisner: And now the moment youve all been waiting for… but why should I be the one to spoil it for you? Take it away Javier! Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Javier gets into the ring and looks at all the instruments of violence around him. An electrified steel cage. Light tubes. Flaming ring ropes, greased in lye. Barbed wire ropes. A 15 foot tall scaffolding standing above a spider-net trampoline woven in razorwire. Superheated lava rocks outside the ring as well as a near half dozen mounds of dirt containing miniature land mines. Not to mention the stack of cinder blocks in the center of the ring and panes of glass lining two of the turnbuckles. He takes a deep breath. Babaganoush: The following contest is your MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING AND IT IS A MODERATELY UNNECESSARY DISPLAY OF VIOLENCE FATAL-4-WAY FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE DEATHMATCH FOR THE WiR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Crowd: YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY. W-I-R! W-I-R! W-I-R! Babaganoush: Your referees for this match… ALL OF THEM! Harry Undersach, Ivan Itchicock, Mia So Hung, and Tai Ni Wong all surround the ring, each own looking nervous as all hell. Babaganoush: Introducing first… Rage Against the Machine “Killing in the Name Of” starts to play. Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Babaganoush: From Dallas, Texas! Weighing in at 225 pounds… MAVERICK. Maverick comes hobbling out of from behind the curtain, practically putting zero weight at all on his injured leg. His face is almost a deathly white as he pours sweat just trying to make it down to the ring. He stumbles next to the guardrail and several fans help the Mr. Pibb loving cowboy to his feet. He takes off his cowboy hat and hangs it on one of the fans heads before using the guardrail as a crutch to make it the rest of the way down to the ring. Woodbridge: If I didnt know any better I would say Maverick has been through two deathmatches. Paisner: Thank you Captain Obvious. Mav is clearly having trouble putting any weight on that hyperextended knee he suffered at the hands of a fresh Tyler Dylan earlier this evening. Woodbridge: Going through a glass coffee table probably didnt help much either. What the fuck is up with the welts on his skin? The camera gets a closer look at Mavs wounds, including a deep laceration on his shoulder that has been bleeding through his bandage, as he gingerly rolls into the ring. There are also several conventional bruises from broomstick shots earlier in the night, surrounded by several smaller wounds that appear inflamed. Paisner: Those must be where the pihranas feasted on his flesh on Night 1 when he defeated Dalidus Nova in a hellacious “Thank God its AMUDOV” Office Deathmatch. Woodbridge: That shit is fucking infected. Its a miracle Maverick even made it out here in his condition. Crowd: MAV-NA-TION! MAV-NA-TION! Maverick acknowledges the fans before heading towards one of the turnbuckle by the barbed wire ropes, hooking his arm around it so he can remain standing. Babaganoush: Introducing second… A shitty flute version of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” plays. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Babaganoush: Fighting out of The Catskills! Weighing in at 210 pounds… LOUIS BLACKWATER. Blackwater heads out of the back in considerably better condition than Maverick, though still limping as he clutches at his lower back. Sporting a quarter size puncture wound in shoulder and a giant knot on the very top of his head making him look like a Saturday Night Live Conehead. Though you would be forgiven for missing that massive knot if you couldnt get passed the dozens of cuts all over his face and neck. Paisner: And here in lies the beauty of AMUDOV. Louis Blackwater may in fact be the closest to 100% in this match considering he still has use of all his appendages. Woodbridge: Stabbed with a pair of antlers? Check. Took a brainbuster onto a metal fishing tackle box? Check. And of course several fistfuls of fishhooks from David Harvey earlier this evening. Several fans boo and shout at Louis Blackwater only for him to cup his ear and scream at the top of his lungs. Blackwater: WHAT. Crowd: WHAT. Blackwater: WHAT. Crowd: WHAT. Paisner: Did we mention he is also partially deaf thanks to an exploding air bag out of the trunk of a jalopy in Night 1s opening round match up against Robert Warlock? Blackwater rolls into the ring, eyeing Maverick as he takes position by the electrified steel cage, making sure to give it a good half foot of clearance. Babaganoush: Introducing third… “Guns of Brixton” by The Clash begins to play. Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY! Babaganoush: From London, England! Weighing in at 218 pounds… BRENDAN BYRNE. Byrne heads out from the bag, limping badly on a leg littered with puncture wounds. His right hand is heavily bandaged and he has several burns and lacerations across his back to go with some heavy bandaging around his ribcage. Still he manages to brave a smile for the fans as he slaps their hands on the way to the ring. Paisner: Brendan Byrne has dispatched Miles Alpha, suffering an impaled right hand and further damage to his leg from this evenings “Stab A Mothafucka” Deathmatch. Throw that on top of last nights hellaciouos main event against the dastardly Jack Flash in which Byrne went through not one but two, razorwire tables soaked in ammonia, one of which was on fire as well as a vicious sit out powerbomb onto a pile of tacks. Woodbridge: Not to mention a brutal looking inverted suplex onto an iron maiden earlier tonight. Paisner: How could I forget? Byrne rolls into the ring, position himself in between Blackwater and Maverick before stretching out his injured leg in anticipation for the fourth entrant. Babaganoush: And the final entrant… Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. “This Life” by Curtis Stigers & The Forest Rangers begins to play. Babaganoush: Hailing from Groningen in The Netherlands! Weighing in at 237 pounds… THE MARK DUTCH. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Dutch heads down to the ring, the crowd booing him vociferously. He has visible welts on his chest, from Stephen Romeros heavy chops, several lacerations on his face and arm from razor toothed snapping turtles, bandaged up fingers courtesty of a pair of rabid ferrets, all of which are oozing puss thanks to fire ants. His left arm hangs useless against his side and he is sporting a black eye patch. Paisner: Boy did that “Teenage Mutant Deathmatch” against Stephen Romero do a number on Mark Dutch. Woodbridge: Even Mother Nature hates the guy. Paisner: And we would be amiss to point out his match against Buster Bravado in which Buster went to TOWN on Dutchs mangled left arm with pliers, nails, hammers… literally anything he could get his hands on to break Dutchs arm. Bravado may have lost the “Construction of a Deathmatch” but he may have cost Mark Dutch his second AMUDOV victory and the WiR World Heavyweight Title. Dutch makes it to the ring sneering at some fans ringside booing the shit out of him. He threatens them with a backhand and laughs it off… Woodbridge: There goes Byrne! Byrne goes charging towards the flaming ropes, leaping clear over them and colliding into Dutch with a Tope Con Hilo. Official Tai Ni Wong signals for the bell and the AMUDOV III is underway. DING DING DING Paisner: HERE WE GO MOTHERFUCKERS! Byrne gets back to his feet wincing, he hobbles around Dutch, pulling him up by his hair and slamming his face into the guardrail before clotheslining him up and over into the crowd. Meanwhile, inside the ring Blackwater circles Maverick, still leaned up against the turnbuckle and sweating profusely just trying to keep standing. Blackwater tries to get Maverick to flinch by throwing a fake punch then laughs. Blackwater: HOOO WEEEE! Blackwater reaches to try and grab Maverick, but Maverick willingly leans up against the barbed wire ropes, digging into his own flesh so he can kick Blackwater in the gut knocking him back. Blackwater: GOT SOME FIGHT IN YA, HUH. IM GUNNA HAVE FUN WITH YOU PIBB! Maverick: Its…. Mister… Pibb! Blackwater: WHAT. Maverick reaches into his pocket and throws a cloud glass shards into the face of Blackwater. Blackwater: AHHHHHHH! Crowd: YAAAAAY! MAV-RICK! MAV-RICK! Paisner: Maverick using some glass shards left over the coffee table in his battle with Tyler Dylan! Meanwhile, Byrne follows Dutch into the crowd. Dutch tries to swim through the crowd to get away but the fans refuse to make it easy on the hated Dutchman, corralling him for Byrne. Dutch shoves a few to the side with his one good arm, but two more just rise up and take their place. He turns back to Brendan Byrne who swings a steel chair into Dutchs shoulder. THWACK Crowd: YAAAAY! Dutchs falls to one knee roaring in pain and Byrne swings again targeting Dutchs useless arm. THWACK Crowd: YAAAAAY! Woodbridge: Byrne resorting to swinging that steel chair. With his leg in a bad way hes going to have a hard time dipping into his arsenal of kicks. Inside the ring, Blackwater charges at Maverick while still partially blinded, Maverick darts out of the way and Blackwaters chest gets torn by the barbed wire ropes. He grunts in pain, as he peels his skin off of them and starts swiping the air and stamping his feet trying to locate Maverick. Paisner: Maverick is at a serious disadvantage here, running a high fever as a result of that filthy Amazon water getting into his wounds last Night. If hes going to win tonight, itll have to be because the rest of the competitors took themselves out. Woodbridge: Dont sell Mav short. Texans may be dumb as fuck, but theyre tough. While Blackwater continues to hunt for Maverick, Byrne chucks whats left of his mangled steel chair at Dutch before setting him up in a powerbomb position on the outside. Byrne attempts to lift Dutch, but Dutch sandbags him before ramming his shoulder into Byrnes kneecap. Byrnes knee buckles from the shot and Mark Dutch manages to get Brendan up in an Alabama Slam. Dutch runs Byrne back towards the ring and Alabama Slams Byrnes lower back against the guardrail and Byrne flips over into the ringside area in a tremendous amount of pain. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO! Paisner: Even the fans are having a hard time following the action on both sides of the ring. Blackwater: FUUUUCK! Blackwater smacks his shin against the stack of cinder blocks in the center of the ring. Woodbridge: Finally a spot I can relate to. Take it from me folks, stubbing your shin hurts like a bitch. But Blackwater gets an idea. He picks up the cinder blocks one by one and begins chucking them around the ring hoping to hit Maverick. Maverick tries to hustle back and forth against the barbed wire ropes to avoid them but the third cinder block manages to find its mark, slamming in Mavericks shoulder. Maverick: GAAHH! Blackwater: HAHA! Blackwater picks up a fourth cinder block, raising it over his head and marching towards where he heard Maverick. With no where else to turn Maverick spins around looking beyond the barbed wire ropes to the 15 foot scaffolding. Paisner: Maverick is making the climb! Blackwater swings down with his cinder block, knocking down a few barbed wire ropes and just narrowly missing Mavericks boot before hitting the scaffolding. The realization of where Maverick is headed hits Blackwater as he smiles and begins to climb himself. Meanwhile, outside the ring Dutch precariously perches himself up on the guardrail waiting for Byrne to get to his feet. Byrne staggers to a standing position and Dutch springboards off the guardrail slamming his knee into Byrnes back and knocking him face first into the flaming ropes. Brendan Byrne: AHHH! AHHH. AHHHHHHH! Byrne just barely manages to get his hands out in front of him to stop his face from melting against the ropes, but that doesnt stop the burning lye eating through his palms. The bandages on his right hand where Miles Alpha impaled him with a steak knife catch fire, making it look like Byrne is holding a Super Mario Bros. fireball. Dutch laughs maniacally as Byrne slinks to his knees trying to soothe his burning hands in the ground. Woodbridge: Byrne having a hard time putting that fire out over his bandage because of the greased up lye keeping those ropes flaming! Byrne: RRRAAAAAAWWWRR! Byrne unable to fight the pain, roars and uses it, he gets to his feet and hits Dutch with flaming spinning back fist that singes Dutchs hair and sends him clattering into the guardrail he had dented with Byrnes lower back. Dutch tries to escape but Byrne spins the other way this time chopping Dutch in his bad arm with his flaming fist. Dutch howls in pain and Byrne heart punches Dutch in the chest with his flaming fist making sure to dig his knuckles into Dutchs chest in an attempt to put out his flaming bandage. Paisner: I really hope the WiR World Title is worth this. Woodbridge: Uhh… have you seen that thing? It isnt. Meanwhile, on the scaffolding, Maverick reaches the top followed closely by Blackwater. Blackwater manages to get his fingers on the base and Maverick does his best to stomp away at them. Blackwater loses his grip with one end and teeters perilously between the ring and the razorwire spider-net trampoline. Maverick tries to stomp on Blackwaters hand anchoring him to the scaffolding, but Blackwater lets go and manages to grab hold of Mavericks boot. Maverick tries to kick Blackwater off but Louis holds on for dear life, nearly screaming the entire time. Paisner: Mav is trying to slide off his boot! Mav grabs onto the railing of the scaffolding with both hands as he tries to kick off his boot from the heel to send Blackwater careening back down to the ring. Crowd: OHHHHHHH! Maverick manages to kick off his boot but in that split second, Blackwater reaches out and grabs one of the poles with the scaffolding with his other hand. He throws the boot at Mavericks face, clipping him in the jaw before digging his fingers into Mavericks piranha bite wounds on the back of his leg to help pull himself up to the top of the scaffolding. Maverick: ARGGHHH. ARGGGHHHHHHHH! Meanwhile, outside the ring Byrne pulls Dutch up to his feet and rolls him into the ring underneath the flaming ropes. Dutchs wife beater and jeans catch fire and he quickly rolls about the ring screaming, trying to put them out. Byrne winces as he takes a knee searching for whatever he can find underneath the ring before producing a bundle of light tubes and holding them up for the crowd. Crowd: YAAAAAAAY. Woodbridge: Byrne trying to lighten up Dutchs day! What a nice guy. Byrne limps around the ring, choosing to roll underneath the barbed wire ropes as opposed to trying to navigate the flaming rope side. He pulls out two light tubes from the bundle and begins twirling them about as he stalks Dutch, scooting on his butt back towards the ropeless side of the ring overlooking the superheated lava rocks. Dutch looks between the rocks and Byrne, his arm still hanging limp at his side. He pleads with Byrne to think about what he is doing but Byrne shows no hesitation shattering the light tube against the side of Dutchs head. Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dutch remains on his knees his head slumped down as the blood starts to trickle down the side of his face. He begins to cough a bit, but soon the cough turns to a chuckle. Paisner: Hes fucking laughing… Mark Dutch is laughing! Byrne scowls at Mark, raising the lighttube yet again and smashing it over the top of his head this time. Byrne then backs up a couple paces feints a shining wizard before connecting with a back roundhouse kick to the side of Mark Dutchs head. Byrne goes down clutching at his injured leg while Dutch keels over on the ring apron right around where the ropes should be. Paisner: “Dark Side of the Moon” from Brendan Byrne! Woodbridge: Cover him Byrnie! Byrne goes to make the cover and Harry Undersach comes waddling over on bamboo stilts trying to navigate the superheated lava rocks. He reaches the apron and counts the pin. 1… 2… Dutch gets the shoulder up! Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO! Meanwhile, on the scaffolding Blackwater has reached Maverick and is literally trying to rip his face off. Digging his fingers into Mavericks mouth, nostrils and eyes and trying to rip his face apart. Maverick screams in pain, finally managing to break free by punching Blackwater in his throat. Blackwater falls back coughing and Maverick kicks him in the face with his one booted leg almost sending Blackwater careening off the scaffolding. Maverick pulls himself up to his feet with the help of the scaffolding railing, almost teetering over the edge and following of his own volition. Paisner: There is no way Maverick should be competing in this match. Not in his condition. Our ringside doctors should be ashamed of themselves. Woodbridge: Something tells me if they tried to keep Maverick out of this match they wouldve ended up looking the same as Maverick. Ive known this guy for two plus years, there isnt any quit in this kid. Blackwater gets to his feet, nodding towards Maverick with new found respect for the diseased Texan. Louis charges at Maverick clubbing him with an overhand blow. Crowd: BOOOOOOO! Maverick fires a back elbow at Blackwater. Crowd: YAAAAY! Blackwater fires a backfist into the side of Mavs head. Crowd: BOOOOOOOO! Maverick retorts with a stiff forearm shot. Crowd: YAAAAAAAY! Blackwater reaches up with his grimey fingers nail and begins raking the staple wounds all over Mavericks face from his war with Dalidus Nova a day prior. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO. Maverick: ARRGGHHHHHHH. Woodbridge: I dont think Mavericks body can take too much more punishment, not in its weakened state! Louis begins smiling as he digs his fingers in deeper and deeper. Mavericks strength begins the fade but the crowd rallies behind him. Crowd: LETS GO MAV-RICK! clap clap clapclapclap Paisner: BIG HEADBUTT FROM MAVERICK AND BLACKWATERS NOSE IS A FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD! Crowd: YAAAY! Mav follows up his headbutt with a knee to the gut. He pulls Blackwater in, setting him up for the “Chainsaw Massacre” aka Twist of Fate. Paisner: Maverick looking for that “Chainsaw Massacre” off the scaffolding! Maverick spins from the DDT position into the cutter position but Blackwater rakes Mavericks back just at that moment causing him to howl in pain. Blackwater then grabs the stunned Maverick from behind and executes a Reverse Brainbuster on top of the scaffolding. Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH! Paisner: MASSIVE BRAINBUSTER ON THE SCAFFOLDING! MAVERICK MAY NOW HAVE THE IQ OF TYLER DYLAN! CREEEEEEEEEK Woodbridge: Uhhh… what the hell was that? Meanwhile, inside the ring, Byrne does his best to drag Dutchs body over the pane of glass leaned up against one of the turnbuckles connected to the electrified steelcage. He sits Dutch up in front of it, making sure he stays put with a buzzsaw kick directly to the face. Crowd: OOOOOOO! Paisner: All I can say is thank God wrestlers are independent contractors and thus we dont have to pay their insurance premiums. Byrne backs up across the ring and runs as fast as his injured leg can carry him for a running dropkick into the corner on Dutch leaned up against the pane of glass. Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Woodbridge: Dutch moved out of the way! Byrnes legs shatter through the pane of glass as he hits the turnbuckle and falls back onto shards of broken glass. Dutch laughs to himself, pulling a shard of lighttube embedded in his temple out and carving it into the face of Byrne on the mat. Byrne: AHHH! AHHHHHH! Blackwater: HEY! HEY! THE FUCK! GET UP HERE! IM TRYING TO PIN THIS PUDDING EATING COWBOY OVER HERE! Blackwater shouts down from the top of the scaffolding as it begins to sway back and forth. WiR Junior Junior Offical Ivan Itchicock looks at the scaffolding and back up at Blackwater. Itchicock: I aint climbing that thing! Blackwater: WHAT. Itchicock: I said… IM NOT GOING UP THERE! Blackwater: WHAT. THROW HIM DOWN THERE. Itchicock: NOOOOO. Blackwater: GO. Crowd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Blackwater tosses Maverick off the 15 foot scaffolding onto the spider-net razorwire trampoline. Mavericks body hits the trampoline and immediately chunks of flesh and blood come shed off his skin. He bounces up, because of the trampoline and again lands on the razorwire tearing at even more flesh. Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! Woodbridge: Who the fuck thought a razorwire trampoline would be a fun addition? Paisner: Uhhhh… CREEEEEEEK SNAP! One of the braces from the scaffolding snaps off and the whole thing begins to buckle from the weight. In teeters even more, swaying back and forth, and Blackwater almost loses his grip and keels over the side. He quickly assesses the situation and realizes if hes going to go down he may as well go down of his own volition. Blackwater: CANNONBALL. Blackwater leaps off the scaffolding towards the razor wire spider-net trampoline, landing on top of Maverick with a cannonball senton. The sheer amount of weight snaps the razor wire at his hinges causing several strands to snap and whip back in towards the center of the trampoline lashing Blackwater in several places. Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH. Before the crowd can digest the insane spot, the scaffolding buckles and comes collapsing down on top of both Blackwater and Maverick on the outside. CRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHH Crowd: THAT WAS AWESOME! clap clap clapclapclap Woodbridge: Awesome my ass! They could be dead! Itchicock, Mia So Hung and the ring crew descend upon the carnage, pulling away pieces of wood and metal tangled up in razor wire in an attempt to reach Maverick and Blackwater. Meanwhile, inside the ring Dutch staggers to his feet as Byrne tries to crawl out of the corner, looking like a porcupine with all the glass shrapnel embedded in his body. Dutch smiles at Byrne and holds his finger to his lips as he staggers up to his pray. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO! Paisner: Dutch, no doubt looking for that sick headbutt. Dutch pulls Byrne up to his feet looking for that sick headbutt, but Byrne spits a mouthful of blood into Dutchs face, blinding him. Crowd: YAAAAAY! Paisner: “Pumped Up Kicks” out of no where! Crowd: YAAAAAAAY. Byrne lands a feint spinning heel kick into a toe kick to the face knocking Dutch backwards into the electrified steel cage. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAPP Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dutch pulls himself away from the cage in a split second, still standing but his back smoking. But Byrnes not done, he turns away from Dutch attempting a corkscrew pele kick Paisner: “A Kick With No Name” – NO! Dutch catches Byrnes leg and Byrne falls to the mat – SLINGSHOT INTO THE ELECTRIFIED STEEL CAGE! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP Byrne goes launching face first into the electrified cage and hits the mat spasming. Dutch quickly goes for the cover and Tai Ni slides into the ring from the barbed wire side. 1… 2… 3! NO! Byrne kicks out! Woodbridge: I dont know if that was a much a kick out as it was an electrical spasm from Byrne, but all the same he is still in the match! Dutch rolls off of Byrne, his adrenaline running low. Meanwhile, Ithciock, Hung and the rest of the ring crew make some headway digging out Maverick and Blackwater. They pull off a massive piece of wood from the top of the scaffolding to find Blackwater lying on top of Maverick. Paisner: Itchicock counting the pin on Maverick! 1… 2… MAVERICK GETS THE SHOULDER UP! Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Woodbridge: I dont fucking believe it. Maverick couldve just stayed down and no one wouldve faulted him. No one wouldve blamed him for quitting right there. But the WiR Title means that much to the soda chugging Texan! Blackwater slams his fist into the grass and winces noticing its tangled up in razorwire. He peels off a piece of the strand, pulling out an impressive amount of “meat” from his bicep along with it and wraps it around Mavericks neck. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO! Blackwater gets to his feet and starts dragging Maverick out of the pile of wood and steel by a razorwire noose. The blades slice into Mavericks neck, and he does his best to dig his fingers underneath the razorwire to try and free himself but the noose is too tight. Blackwater bleeding from several cuts himself begins to whistle and sing. Blackwater: HI-HO! HI-HO! BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK AND HERE WE GO! Blackwater hoists Maverick up to a standing position by pulling on the razor wire, slicing his own shoulder blade in the process so the two are back to back. Blackwater then swivels his hips and hits a razorwire noose assisted hangmans neckbreaker. Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHH! Paisner: Dear God… Blackwater with a literal hangmans neckbreaker on Maverick! Stay down Mav, I beg you! 1… 2… 3! Babaganoush: MAVERICK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! Itchicock motions for EMTs to check on Maverick while Blackwater takes a look at the events transpiring inside the ring where Mark Dutch is making a bed of cinder blocks to put Byrne in his final resting place. The two heels lock eyes. Dutch: THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT. Blackwater: WHAT. Dutch drops the cinder block where he left and makes his way towards Blackwater on the outside. Dutch: I SAID THE FUCK. YOU. LOOKING AT. Blackwater climbs up onto the ring apron. Blackwater: WHAT. Woodbridge: Fucking Christ. Its like an R rated Elvis and Costello routine. Paisner: Im not so sure Dutch realizes Blackwater is partially deaf. Dutch laughs and tries to catch Blackwater with a surprise haymaker but the Catskills native catches Dutchs haymaker and blasts Dutch in the side of the head with a 6 inch hex bolt. Crowd: YAAAAAAY! Dutch staggers back towards his bed of cinder blocks holding his ear while Blackwater climbs to the top rope. Woodbridge: Unfamiliar territory here for the unhinged brawler. Paisner: Blackwater makes the leap! Crowd: OHHHHHHHH! Blackwater crashes down on top of Mark Dutch onto the bed of cinderblocks with a sickening thud. Paisner: Blackwater hooks the leg! 1… 2… 3! NO! Dutch powers out! Blackwater slams his fist into the cinderblock and spots a lifeless Byrne, covered in shattered glass, his body still smoking from the electrified cage. Woodbridge: Looks like Blackwater has found another victim! Blackwater peels Dutch off of the bed of cinder blocks and tosses him into the barbed wire ropes tangling Dutch up. Louis then marches over to Byrne and kneels down, pounding him in the face with vicious forearms as the crowd boos. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Paisner: Blackwater is just softening him up. He pulls Byrne to his feet. Blackwater hoists Byrne up into a Firemans Carry and walks him over to the cinder blocks. Woodbridge: Oh fuck… hes going to kill him! Paisner: DEATH VALLEY DRIVER ONTO THE CINDER BLOCKS – OH! Crowd: YAAAAAAAY! Byrne manages to completely flip over out of the Death Valley Driver, just barely managed to miss the cinder blocks and land on his feet. Blackwater is not so lucky, driving his own shoulder into the cinder blocks with Byrnes body to break his fall. Blackwater: FUCK! Paisner: “A KICK WITH NO NAME” drives Blackwaters skull into the cinderblocks! Crowd: YAAAAAAAY! Blackwater pops back up to his feet as if in a trance, a splotch of blood in the center of his forehead where skull met cement. He staggers backwards getting his fists up as if he is in a boxing match and begins swinging at random entities. When out of no where Mark Dutch comes roaring in, and blasts Blackwater in the jaw with huuuuuuge running European uppercut that knocks Blackwater backwards into the electrified steel cage. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHH! Before Blackwater can fall flat on his face from the flurry of offense, Byrne leaps off the bed of cinder blocks and obliterates Blackwater with discus big boot. Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Paisner: “REMEMBRANCE”! Woodbridge: Byrne and Dutch working together to eliminate Blackwater and settle things mano y mano! Paisner: Byrne with the pin! 1. 2… DUTCH BREAKS IT UP WITH A CINDER BLOCK TO THE SKULL OF BYRNE! Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO! Woodbridge: Son of a bitch! Paisner: Dutch rolls Byrne off of Blackwater and goes for the pin himself! 1… 2… 3! Babaganoush: LOUIS BLACKWATER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! Paisner: Dutch now covering Brendan Byrne! He has the pin! Woodbridge: FUCK! ANYONE BUT DUTCH! 1…. 2… 3! Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! BYRNE GOT THE SHOULDER UP! BYRNE GOT THE SHOULDER UP! Woodbridge: MADNESS! Dutch cant believe it. He pleads with Tai Ni Wong that it was a three but to no avail. Dutch gets to his feet clutching his useless right arm and starts stomping away on Brendan Byrne not so much as to try and hurt him but out of sheer frustration that the bastard kicked out. Dutch looks to the corner turnbuckle between the flaming ropes and barbed wire, deciding that it is his safest best and goes to make the climb. Paisner: The Man of 1001 Nicknames, Mr. AMUDOV, The Rambling Eurotrash looking to end things here with the “Flying Dutchman”! Dutch slowly makes his way to the top rope, since he can only help balance himself with the aid of one arm. By time he manages to get to the top Byrne is back on his knees and officials Harry Undersach and Ivan Itchicock are helping remove Louis Blackwater to the ring, dragging him over the cinder block pile. Without hesitation, Byrne lunges his body at the two officials, slamming his shoulder in the back of Louis Blackwater, knocking him into the flaming ropes and causing Dutch to nut himself on the top turnbuckle. Crowd: OHHHHHHH! Blackwater: AHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Blackwaters t-shirt erupts in flames as The Ring Crew descend upon him with fire extinguishers, putting both Blackwater and the flaming ropes out. A heavy smoke fills up the ring. Woodbridge: Fuck! I cant see whats going on! Paisner: Get off me will ya! The smoke begins to clear and Dutch is just beginning to free himself from his nutted position on the top turnbuckle, as the smoke dissipates further, Byrne comes flying out of the cloud and leaps onto the apron and begins blasting Dutch in the face with stiff forearm shots. Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAY! Woodbridge: Brendan Byrne unloading on Mark Dutch! He knows the prize at stake! How close he is! Byrne holds the dazed Dutchs head between his hands and holds his fingers to his lips. Byrne: Shhhhhhhhhhhh…. Crowd: …… Byrne: FUCK YOU DUTCH! Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Paisner: SICK HEADBUTT FROM BYRNE TO DUTCH! Dutch goes reeling backwards, but Byrne prevents him from falling snatching him up in a superplex position and hitting a turnbuckle brainbuster onto the Dutchman. Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAYY! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! Dutch falls haphazardly onto the barbed wire ropes getting tangled up on top of them. Byrne springboards off the previously flaming ropes adjacent to them and connects with a Disaster Kick to the head of Dutch. Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Dutchs body flops to the mat and Byrne makes the cover as the crowd counts along. Crowd: 1! 2! 3! Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHH! Woodbridge: DUTCH KICKED OUT! DUTCH KICKED OUT! Dutch just barely manages to get his shoulder up at 2. 9 leaving Byrnes head lying on his chest, his eyes wide open in shock. Paisner: I cant fucking believe it. What will it take to put Mark Dutch away! Byrne gets to his feet and catches his breath, looking down at Mark Dutch in disbelief. He works his knee a bit making sure its still working properly and its not just the combination of adrenaline and fighting spirit keeping him going. Crowd: LETS GO BYRN-E! FUCK DUTCH UP! LETS GO BYRN-E! FUCK DUTCH UP! Woodbridge: Byrne is tuning up the band in the corner. Paisner: Hes sizing Dutch up for that “Remembrance” Discus Boot! Woodbridge: I ‘MEMBRANCE! Paisner: DAMN IT MARK! Dutch staggers to his feet, his knees a bit wobbly as he stumbles over by the ropeless side of the ring over by the super-heated lava rocks. Byrne gets in a karate stance. Byrne: HEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Byrne charges with a Discus Big Boot, he makes the spin for the turn and Dutch springs forward before Byrne can complete the turn, grabbing Byrne with his one good arm and connecting with a surprise swinging reverse STO. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Paisner: “WILLIAM OF ORANGE” OUT OF NO WHERE! Woodbridge: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Paisner: Dutch with the pin! 1…. Crowd: NO! 2… Crowd: NO! 3! NO! BYRNE GETS THE SHOULDER UP! Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! As Byrnes arm shoots up to get break the pin Dutch snags it and locks Byrne into the Crippler Crossface Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Paisner: Dutch with the Cripple Crossface locked in! We may have a new champion! Crowd: PLEASE DONT TAP! PLEASE DONT TAP! Byrne: ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Byrne screams in pain as Dutch, ignoring the tremendous amount of pain coming from his injured arm, continues to wrench back on the neck of Brendan Byrne. Byrne starts to pull himself closer towards the edge of the ring and those super-heated lava rocks, right next to the corner he missed his running dropkick through the pane of glass and the electrified steel cage. Woodbridge: Even if there were ropes to grab instead of barbed wire, ropes laced with lye, or an electrified steel cage it still wouldnt do Byrne any good. He still needs to break the hold. Dutch: COME ON YOU MOTHERFUCKER! Dutch chokes up even further of the Crossface is face contorting into one of a deranged serial killer as he bares his teeth. Byrne scarcthes and claws and Dutchs injured arm trying to get him to ease up. Byrne: GAHH! AAAAAARRGGHHH! Dutch: SHES MINE! Byrne lets out another roar of pain and Dutch quickly grabs a handful of shattered glass from the pane Byrne went into and shoves it into Brendans mouth before choking up on the Crossface even further. Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Paisner: This is how Dutch defeated Vic Studd two years ago to win the inaugural AMUDOV Tournament! Blood starts to bubble up out of Byrnes mouth as he screams in pain. He raises his hand up to tap the mat. Crowd: NOOOOOOO! PLEASE DONT TAP! PLEASE DONT TAP! Byrnes hand comes down but, he goes past the mat and reaches over the side of the ring apron, pulling himself and Dutch closer to the super-heated lava rocks. But Dutch refuses to let go, choking up on Byrnes jaw causing a bubbling of blood to come spittling out of Byrnes mouth. Woodbridge: This is fucking disgusting. No reward is worth this. Byrne: ARRRGGGGHHHHH! Byrne reaches over the ring apron, pulling himself and Dutch ever so closer to the lava rocks.

 

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Chainsaw Maidens - by , February 07, 2020
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